11 Reasons Why You Should Never Get a Cat

Last week we had to put our furry friend to sleep.

The house feels so stagnant without our big cat striding into the hall to welcome us home after a rough day and jumping off furniture with a crashing thud.

Getting my Autumnal hygge on is something I’d usually be super excited about but even the lure of  faux fur blankets, hot chocolate and cashmere socks isn’t getting me in the groove without my partner in snuggles around.

kitty-2

For those of you with a cat , you’ll already know how these creatures enrich our lives with their ridiculously fluffy underbellies, bad ass attitude and secret dog like loyalty that only their chosen humans will ever see.

For those of you not familiar with a feline padding all over your life and clawing out your heart, here’s why you should never get a cat.

  1. You’ll never really be alone again. Whether it’s paws in your face at 3am, a 5kg lump of purring cat treading all over  your laptop as you try to finish a report, or a kitty weaving in and out of your legs if you even think about walking to the kitchen, your life will no longer be your own.
  2. You’ll need to buy a king sized bed. Before your cat wakes you at 2am running around at high speed with bright saucer eyes, it will sleep next to you but must lie horizontally, it’s cat law. You’ll spend your nights hanging off the bed by your fingernails or squashed into an unnatural, legs bent position, that will accommodate your sleepy kitty but give you cramp.
  3. You’ll loose your mind. When you let your cat inside in the morning you’ll ask how his night was and respond to his chatty meows with pleasant conversation.
  4. You’ll need to get a bigger memory on your phone. Cats in the sun, cats sleeping on their fronts, cats sleeping on their backs, cats sleeping with their paws out front like superman, cat selfies, cat videos, you’ll be generating a lot of cat related content.
  5. You’ll have to stroke every cat. Now that you get cats and cats get you, you’re a friend to all cats. You will need to behave accordingly by stroking every cat that you see in the street, even if you’re in a rush.
  6. You’ll stop going out. Staying in with a cat is often preferable to actually going outside and it certainly beats staying in alone. Your cat will watch Netflix with you, eat snacks with you, watch you drink wine and protect you if a man wielding a knife comes rushing in to murder you. OK, they would probably hide under the bed but it feels safer with another being about, especially one with claws.
  7. You’ll stop being on alert. That ominous sound from the bins outside, “its just the cat,” a questionable creak from the other room, “that’ll just be the cat,” the sharp sound of glass shattering in the living room, “don’t be silly, it’s just the cat.”
  8. You’ll realise that dogs are so needy. Like seriously Rex, get your shit together, your owners have only gone out for the afternoon.
  9. You’ll never have any spare boxes. Cats just love a box, any box, it’s weird.
  10. You’ll need a heart of stone. Cats won’t be around for as long as we’d like. Don’t let that stop you loving them fiercely but do know that you’ll have to be strong when the time comes to say goodbye.
  11. You won’t be able to imagine life without a cat. 

Hug your kitties tight xxxxx

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